1988: The Dreadful Druid part III:The Doctor is Insurrection Bound

By Jef Willemsen (clarmindcontrol.blogspot.com)

The best-laid plans of mice and men... don't mean squat if Marvel editorial changes it mind again. In late 1987, Avengers editor Mark Gruenwald wanted writer Roger Stern to alter his ongoing storylines. When Stern refused, he was fired and replaced with Ralph Macchio who did editorial's bidding. Druid turned out to be just what the doctor ordered. 

" The FIX is on!"

Working from Stern's original plot Macchio was tasked to turn the book towards the status quo preferred by Gruenwald and, more specifically, Marvel's new editor-in-chief Tom DeFalco who was far more conservative than his predecessor Jim Shooter. In Tom's mind, the readers didn't want drastic, permanent changes or new, bold directions, they merely preferred the "illusion of change".

That's why he he reportedly hated Steve Englehart's new Fantastic Four and that's also why he and Gruenwald decided Captain America had to return as Avengers chairman. To do so, Stern was to start writing the current chairperson, Monica Rambeau, as incapable. Stern refused to defame a character he'd created back in 1982 and had shepherded along for years.

That's why the unenviable character assassination job fell to Ralph Macchio, who used to write Marvel Two-in-One with Gruenwald before turning mostly to fulltime editing. Still, he did a more than passable job as he proved with Avengers I#286, appropriately titled "the fix is on". Read the opening captions, it's immediately clear Druid is not to be trusted. He's shamelessly using his astral form to eavesdrop on his teammates for... unknown reasons.

"Doctor Druid! You summoned us?! Why?" 

Why indeed... We're barely ten pages in and Macchio starts asserting Doctor Druid as a far more capable leader than Captain Marvel who at the time Druid sounded the alarm wasn't even on Hydrobase. Instead, she was visiting with FBI agent Derek Freeman, her semi-boyfriend, to see if he knew why the government was after Captain America who'd all but disappeared following the team's return from Olympus. 

Great, I'm chairwoman of the Avengers and I can't even get a line on one of my own people." 

And so it begins...Macchio would take every chance he got to either make Monica doubt herself or for others, specifically Druid, to make her look foolish or incompetent. In this case, she's told by her lover about the disappearance of the Fixer's gear. And shortly after that, the Fixer himself was freed from prison by what appeared to be the Fixer. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, during her chat with Freeman, Monica receives Druid's summons and flies off to see what's going on. And boy, is she pissed off at him...

"You're up to something, Doctor..." 

It seems obvious that John Buscema had finished drawing Avengers I#286 before Stern was fired. Had he stayed on, a few dialogue changes would have told a very different story. Take a moment and study the art without reading the copy. Judging from the expressions on the faces of Monica and Druid, you can almost tell Macchio tried his darndest to hammer home how suddenly there was doubt, strife and borderline insurrection in the ranks.

Now, on to the story at hand... Druid had summoned the team because a call came in on Captain America's special emergency hotline. This was a service Cap had set up for concerned citizens to report matters that might require his attention. With Cap unavailable, Druid decided the call merited the Avengers' attention and he proves to be right: thanks to a watchful neighborhood kid called Bobby, the team arrived in Ohio on time to catch the Fixer in the act of trying to acquire the Awesome Android.

When Captain Marvel manages to get herself gassed by the Fixer, it's up to Druid to lead the team to victory... Which he does.

"It's worth a try, doc!" 

In the aftermath, Druid is seen helping the weakened Captain Marvel to her feet, while Monica is cursing him in a thought bubble for purposefully making her look weak. Avengers I#286 ends with the revelation that the Fixer was actually an unwitting accomplice and... Namor's lover Marrina has disappeared during the fight when she tried to stop a truck driven by the actual Fixer. 

Avengers I#287 opens with Namor chasing after Marrina and rescuing her, though the Fixer and his mysterious truck get away. Meanwhile, the Avengers have to deal with the Awesome Android again when it revives. Once again, Dr. Druid's mental powers helped save the day while Captain Marvel was made to look weak and inconsequential. 

"Please, my dear woman. You cannot do it. Still too weak".

Urgh... Talk about laying it on too thick. We get it, Ralph... Monica is a weakling who needs an older, more experienced member to back her up. Preferably a man. Even by 1987, the sexist and even racial undertones used to undermine Captain Marvel's credibility are baffling. It's no wonder Roger Stern refused to write her like this. You could argue Stern was so taken with Captain Marvel he made her a bit too wonderful and competent at times... But this is a complete 180. And we're not done. Soon after the Awesome Android is down, Druid proves yet again crucial to the story thanks to his telepathy.

"Still feel weak. But I'm leader of the Avengers, right? Better assert myself."

Urgh times two... Now Macchio has Monica reminding herself she's in charge. Still, it's once again Druid who is essential in tracking down Mentallo to one of Fixer's bases. Along the way, they encounter heavy opposition from the building's automated defenses. Yet, despite almost getting killed by giant turbines, the team manages to free and locate Mentallo who tells the Avengers his old partner has become something quite alien. 

"Interesting, Captain Marvel's been standing on the sidelines and
Druid's been running the show since we got back to Hydrobase"

Ah, another page, another dig at Monica Rambeau. What's even worse: Macchio makes sure we realize Druid is so much better at everything, it's almost embarrassing. Here, his powers figure out that the containment tube has been tampered with. Once they open it, they find... of all people... the Fixer?

Yes, in a genuinely delightful nod to continuity, we learn the true identity of the Fixer that's just escaped from prison: it's the Super-Adaptoid. Created by AIM to fight its enemies, this superpower copying android was ultimately defeated and placed in suspended animation in a subbasement of the mansion. During the Masters of Evil recent invasion, the ever curious Fixer accidentally released the android and found himself replaced.

With a dangerous villain on the loose, you'd think the Avengers would spend every waking moment tracking down this potential menace to global world peace. Well, you'd be wrong. Avengers I#288 opens with the team moving house... literally. Avengers Mansion gets relocated to Hydrobase by airlifting the brownstone out of Manhattan. How? Well, simply by attaching some sturdy cables to a couple of Chinook helicopters and away we go... 

"Please stop questioning my every move."

It's getting painful and tired at this point: not only is Namor the one overseeing the move, on the ground Druid is busy berating Captain Marvel for not hiring a film crew to record the event. Too many cooks spoil the broth and Monica is fed up with Druid's constant "helpful" suggestions. Moments later, the Avengers get a clue about the Adaptoid when the Black Knight comes in with a clipping from a small Texas newspaper (!) about escaping flying robots. Correctly deducing the Adaptoid is apparently after other robotic lifeforms, Captain Marvel splits up the team and orders the Avengers to go and check on several likely candidates for recruitment. 

But Macchio can't leave well enough alone and has Captain Marvel feel overwhelmed by even this relatively simple task. 

"Sure wish Captain America would come back to us. 

I don't know if I'm cutting it with these folks."

For heaven's sake... Can it still be considered "foreshadowing" when it's this blatantly obvious where the story is heading? It's almost an insult to the reader's intelligence. But, getting back to the star of the show: Doctor Druid was paired up with the Black Knight to visit a midwestern airforce base where the adamantium clad robot Tess-One is held. One teensy-tiny problem: the Avengers lost their security clearance a while ago when the Vision tried to take over the world. That's why the two heroes soon find themselves surrounded by soldiers who aren't exactly cooperative.

But, to no one's surprise, Doctor Druid proves to be the solution to the problem... Even though morality takes a bit of a backseat. 

"You will lower your weapons and take us to the robot, Tess-One.
That is an order."

Shortly afterwards, Druid and Black Knight take off with Tess-One safely in the storage area of their Quinjet. Homeward bound, Macchio has Druid explain that the military mind is so used to receiving orders it leaves them more susceptible to telepathic commands. Even as a kid, yours truly felt this made perfect sense. On the way back, Druid slights Captain Marvel some more when the Black Knight mentions they weren't ordered to bring Tess-One back, only for the Doctor to point out that Monica lacked foresight in this matter. After all, they couldn't really have stayed on the base to see if if the Adaptoid would show up. 

And, as if on cue... he did, with help from his robotic recruits: Kree Sentry 459 and Machine Man. Though they attempted to fight the metal menaces off, Black Knight was quickly overcome and Druid's powers were of no particular use.

"Such parlor tricks, Doctor!"

And that's when Druid disappeared from the book for two issues. Left for dead after the fight, Captain Marvel rescued them behind the scenes and got them to a hospital. Meanwhile, the Adaptoid and his cybernetic compatriots launched a full scale attack on Hydrobase. The real purpose for the ensuing slugfest was to buy the Adaptoid enough time to access the Avengers' computers. It wanted information on the Cosmic Cube, which the Adaptoid planned to make his dream of offspring a reality. Though he was a bit surprised when the cube showed up as Kubik, its more evolved sentient form, it didn't stop the Adaptoid from copying its cosmic powers. 

Now more powerful than ever, it decided to replace everyone on Earth with a copy of itself. And that's when we catch up with Druid and Black Knight in Avengers I#290.

"I shall use the mental power which is mine 

to render this ship invisible that we may make a safe landing."

Erm, how exactly is mentalism the solution here, Doc? You can use mass hypnosis to fool living beings, but against androids it's pretty darn useless. It's what got you beat up by the Adaptoid in the first place, remember? Also, take a moment to read the clunky chunk of exposition Macchio puts in Druid's mouth when he has him explain to the Black Knight where they'd been and how they'd gotten this Quinjet. Dane knows, Doc... he was right there!

At any rate, they get attacked by androids who try to replace them. Because they're not actually alive, the Black Knight quickly chops them up with the ebony blade. This doesn't solve anything, because the loss of two of his "children" makes the Super-Adaptoid notice the heroes. He traps them inside invisible cubes along with the other Avengers who fill in Druid, the Black Knight and the readership.

At the same time, Kubik decides to contact Captain America, who once helped it when it was still a Cosmic Cube. Though Steve is now working as the Captain, after the US government stripped him of his title, he agrees to be teleported to Hydrobase to help out. Though he's quickly captured as well, Rogers cleverly questions the Supreme Adaptoid's self professed sentience. To prove a point, the Adaptoid frees Cap and lets him fight his intended replacement mano-a-mano. 

Meanwhile, Druid relies on brains over brawn...

"Supreme one, may I speak with you a moment?"

Now, while Ralph Macchio has caught considerable flack throughout this post for his portrayal of Druid and Captain Marvel, this is truly thought provoking material. By now, he shared a co-plotter/writer credit with his old writing partner Mark Gruenwald. Together, they had Druid hand the Adaptoid a cunning conundrum which served as a meditation on the age old philosophical question of free will. 

"You lack one essential... Imagination.
All you are capable of is the imitation of that which already is."

The question how a mechanical being can claim it is alive is a complex and engrossing one. It was even the central theme in The Measure of a Man, one of the most beloved episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation which aired over a year after this storyline concluded. The episode had the android Data fight a legal battle to prove he was more than a machine. It's hard not to see the parallels. Though Data was distinctly less violent than the Adaptoid...

"BAH!"

Anyhoo, that's enough praise... the fight moves from engaging philosophical dilemma to Marvel's take on Rumpelstiltskin or Mr. Mxyzptlk. In other words: they tricked the villain into defeating himself. Facing the Captain in final combat, Steve Rogers managed to best the Adaptoid by taunting him to adapt to the one thing Rogers felt a machine couldn't: death.

Never one to back down from a challenge, it ups and dies.

No. Really.

"To thine own self be true"

And with that, the Avengers' Heavy Metal storyline was over. Macchio and Gruenwald gave Kubik some interesting parting words. When you read it, tis not hard to spot this was Macchio commenting on Stern being driven out or "brought down by the arrogance of absolute power", followed by that famous Shakespeare quote about remaining true to who you are: which Stern did when he quit the book rather than compromise on his original vision for the team. 

You might even reason that the Adaptoid was the perfect analogy for DeFalco's newly instituted "no real change/creativity" policy. All it could do was repeat variations of what it already knew, stuck in a perpetual, self repeating loop that would ultimately prove self defeating. 

A year or so down the line, Steve Englehart would write a final Fantastic Four storyline in which he pretty much mocked Marvel's no-change rule by putting the actual FF in stasis and replacing them with clones who acted like it was still 1962, right down to insisting they had the exact same adventures.

Ralph Macchio would bow out after #290 and make room for new regular writer Walt Simonson. He would kick the deconstruction of the team into high gear and make Druid the centerpiece of the Avengers implosion of 88 as we'll see in part IV of The Dreadful Druid: The Doctor Is Out... Of His Mind.

1987: Jade Jaunting Part IV: Shulkie & Earth's Mightiest Short Shrift

By Jef Willemsen (clarmindcontrol.blogspot.com)

In the fourth part of Jade Jaunting, it's 1987 and the She-Hulk has just rejoined the Avengers. Unfortunately for the emerald amazon, this time would be nothing like her salad days among Earth's mightiest. Shulkie found herself getting put through the wringer constantly, suffering one humiliating fate after the other.  

If the cover of your first issue back on the job has you getting pulped by a fish man wearing a hot pink miniskirt... and Doctor Druid is your backup...Worry. 

She-Hulk returned to active duty in Avengers # 278, which would prove to be the latter days of Roger Stern's classic run on the book. In the wake of the Masters of Evil invading and wrecking Avengers Mansion, She-Hulk rejoined to help out. Her presence and raw strength were much needed, because Namor the Sub-Mariner had gone AWOL and the Masters had left quintessential strongman Hercules in a coma. 

However, Shulkie proved quite ineffectual against Tyrak. The augmented Atlantean warrior had come to Hydrobase, hoping to find the Sub-Mariner on the floating artificial island. To his surprise, he learned it doubled as the Avengers's temporary headquarters. That didn't stop him from slapping She-Hulk around until Dr. Druid and a severly concussioned Black Knight rescued her.

After taking care of Tyrak (by tying him up inside an aquarium no less), the Wasp announced she'd be taking a much needed leave of absence and stepped down as Avengers chairperson effective immediately. To show just how badly she required that rest, her last official action was nominating Doctor Druid as the Avengers' latest recruit... 

"Now... do we have any nominations for chairman?"

The pompous Anthony 'Druid' Ludgate was most eager to take the reigns, but the Avengers charter prohibited new members from doing so right away. Black Knight and She-Hulk didn't want the job, Captain America was too busy... which left Thor and Captain Marvel. In a typical bit of macho Norse god nonsense, Thor openly questioned if Monica Rambeau would be fit for the role, which caused She-Hulk to revert to her more savage late 70s feminist persona...

"Just a darned minute, Thor!"

And so it came to pass that Captain Marvel became the Avengers' new chairperson. An original Stern creation, Roger had taken a particular liking to her, gradually building Monica Rambeau up from a neophyte superheroine to an Avenger-in-training until she finally evolved into team leader. But with big egos like Thor and Druid around, appearing authorative wouldn't be easy. Especially Druid proved quite the character, as She-Hulk learned in #279, when she rushed to save the Black Knight from a giant ape only to find that...

"I enjoy a good gag as much as anyone!
But watch your step... you might not like my sense of humor!"

Much like Hawkeye used to needle her in the early days, Shulkie was now being taunted by Druid, who used his mental powers to toy with her. The Black Knight was right, no good would come of this.

As if being humiliated by a middle aged, balding mentalist in embarrassingly skimpy orange swimwear wasn't enough... #280 saw Zeus ordering his children to Earth to capture the Avengers. The Olympian All Father believed the team was responsible for Hercules' injuries. Guess which member of the Greek pantheon had the goods to bring down She-Hulk... Would it be Ares, the relentless god of war? Sturdy Hephaestus? Swift Hermes? No? Maybe noble Pallas Athena then?

"-Koff-koff- you miserable little..."

That's right, She-Hulk was beaten by none other than god of wine ánd parttime Don Rickles impersonator Dionysus. He initially mind controlled her with some magical cherry icecream, which caused her to attack the Avengers. And just as she was ready for some payback, Dyonisus took her out by blowing the vapors of a roofied drink in her face. Once she came to, She-Hulk found herself chained up in Hades along with the other Avengers, pending their trial. 

All through their inevitable escape from Pluto's domain, Shulkie was chomping at the bit to square off against some actual, half decent deities. She had that chance in #284, when she managed to get the jump on Zeus...

"Ow"

And got knocked out within seconds.

Avengers # 285 was the final issue Roger Stern wrote, he saw the team home and then quit after refusing to comply to demands by Marvel editiorial he changed his plans for the book. The powers that were had decided the team would be better served with Captain America in charge. Stern was ordered to start writing his beloved Captain Marvel as increasingly incompetent, providing the other Cap with a valid reason to take over.

Sticking to his guns, Stern departed for DC, leaving Ralph Macchio to script the next arc over his plots. This resulted in Avengers # 286 - 290, an actually enjoyable storyline that saw the Super Adaptoid gather a small army of robots he dubbed Heavy Metal to harass the Avengers.

While Macchio was a devout and knowledgeable follower of continuity, his scripting resulted in some character inconsistencies. A typical example of this can be seen in # 286,  which featured She-Hulk and Namor tag teaming the Awesome Android...

"Mmm-MMMM! Look at those shoulders! Only guy with a better set is Wyatt"

Unlike his predecessor, Macchio actually remembered She-Hulk was still involved with Wyatt Wingfoot... But he inexplicably came up with a minor storyline that saw her actively lust after Namor at every turn. While not too unthinkable, it did come out of left field, to say the least.

Luckily, Macchio made a point of continuing the established trend of dumping on Shulkie... For instance in #289, when Heavy Metal member Sentry-459 decided to use Shulkie's skull for a little impromptu redecoration of Hydrobase...

"Ohhhnng!"

But the She-Hulk wasn't exactly down for the count... She quickly recovered and tried to best the Kree creation more, without much luck. Adding further insult to injury, take a look at who rushed to her rescue this time...

"Nnnnhhhh...*BLUG*!"

Thanks to Marrina, She-Hulk survived and even managed to score something resembling a win when she pushed the approaching Tess-One off the floating island, consigning him to the deep. Eventually, the Heavy Metal arc ended in #290, with the Super Adaptoid defeating himself after Captain America (as the Captain) dared the villain to adapt death. Guess what? He died.

You'll notice that both She-Hulk ánd Avengers chairperson Captain Marvel didn't play any significant part in all of this. In fact, all throughout the arc, Macchio had Druid and the others question C.M.'s orders, good judgement and leadership capabilities. Incoming writer Walter Simonson would follow Marvel's guideline and continued this trend. Starting with # 291, an issue Marvel's inhouse ad department promoted the new course with this cheerful doozy of an endorsement...

... Yeah, you can just tell this won't end well.

Which is a bit of a shame. I remember hating what followed as a kid, because of the genuine affection I felt for this line up. While they were by no means the most powerful grouping ever assembled, they were a diverse, colorful bunch with a great power set. In fact, I was most likely the world's biggest Doctor Druid fan, long before my own hairline receded faster than Captain Marvel's credibility under Walter Simonson.

Here we have C.M. in the opening pages of #291 'helping' She-Hulk and the Black Knight clean up the mess left by Heavy Metal.

"Why don't you go play in the traffic!"

Walter wasted very little time tearing the team apart. First, he had Avengers associate Marrina go crazy. She reverted to a savage state, based on the fact she was actually hatched from a millennia old egg of Plodex origin. These aliens conquerors were able to shapeshift into whatever form they deemed most likely to assure them dominance over the indigenous population... And with the Earth being 70 percent water, Marrina mutated into a giant, ferocious sea serpent that threatened the seven seas.

The Avengers tried to stop her for three issues, but despite their best intentions Marrina was dead at the end of #294. The loss of his wife turned Namor away from the team. Meanwhile the curse of the Ebony Blade finally caught up with the Black Knight after Namor borrowed his weapon of choice to slay Marrina. As soon as the sword tasted blood, the curse was activated and Dane found himself being slowly paralysed. Speaking of incapacitated Avengers, here's what happened to Captain Marvel after she tried to eletrocute Marrina in the middle of the ocean...

"Captain Marvel yet lives. But she is in the final stages of exhaustion."

Yeah, you read that right: in yet another boneheaded move, Captain Marvel became electricity and ended up dispersing her form across the entire ocean. It took all her will power to regain human form, which left Monica in no shape to lead the team. A new chairman needed to be elected. While Thor seemed the obvious choice, the ambitious Dr. Druid used his mental powers to nudge everyone into believing he would be best suited for the job. 

As another part of Simonson's ongoing storyline, Druid was subtly influenced by the mysterious transtemporal woman Nebula. No, not Thanos' alleged space pirate granddaughter, but an alternate reality Ravonna who donned the armor of her world's Kang the Conqueror to join the Council of Crosstime Kangs and... Ow, you know what, this is actually pretty dry and dense stuff.

Suffice it to say: the Kangs had learned of the existence of a time bubble they believed housed a powerful weapon. Nebula decided she wanted to get her hands on it and subtly influenced Dr. Druid via his dreams to enlist the Avengers' aid. Ready and eager to please the mystery woman he had fallen in love with, Druid happily bended the Avengers to his will, starting with She-Hulk...

 "You want to listen to me. Believe me, Jennifer, this is all for the best."

In order to ensure her continued cooperation, Nebula supplied Druid with mind benders, future tech that turned the She-Hulk into their willing accomplice. Jennifer happily assisted Druid and Nebula in 'recruiting' the remaining active Avengers Black Knight and Thor. Just to be on the safe side, even Edwin Jarvis got one, so he wouldn't secretly warn the West Coast Avengers. 

Guided by Nebula, the Avengers retrofitted one of their Quinjets and entered the timestream, planning to penetrate the bubble. They ran into some problems along the way however, that threatened to jeopardise their entire mission. In order to continue, some excess weight had to be jettisoned... and the She-Hulk was just the one to do it...

"No problem, Dane. Good-bye!"

The Black Knight was saved by members of the Council of Cross-Time Kangs who had come after Nebula. They used their technology to disable the mind benders, causing Thor and She-Hulk to revert to their old selves within seconds. Needless to say, they weren't too pleased and wanted their pound of flesh... Only to find the still lovestruck Doctor Druid standing in their way, in a hilarious attempt at protecting his lady.

"Never fear, my heart! The mind is the superior weapon!"

Not sure how Druid intended that... But if you're a super powered mentalist, the best use of said mind wouldn't be headbutting an Asgardian god. She-Hulk took him out with a decisive *pow* to the ol' noggin and that was that. The Avengers were free and returned home, but the damage was done...

 "I've lost everything. Even my self respect. I wish I had killed her!"

After returning to Hydrobase and filling in an understandably confused Jarvis, Thor and the Black Knight were ready to act like it was business as usual. But She-Hulk was too rattled by what she had just been through and decided to take an extended leave of absence...

"She made me do horrible things! Things that were partly from inside my own soul."

With that tearful goodbye, She-Hulk's second stint on the team reached a rather unceremonious ending. But all the torment and misery she suffered through would soon be forgotten after John Byrne took her under his wing once again. He lovingly launched Jennifer in her second ongoing title: The Sensational She-Hulk, which we'll cover in Jade Jaunting part V: Sensationally Shattering The Fourth Wall.